To: Mother Nature
Dear Mother Nature,
I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said winter was over. I shouldn’t have said spring was late.
It was very insensitive of me to think that I could know when the last snowstorm of the season was. That’s your job — one you do very well, I might add.
It was a mistake to post that all over the interwebs. Facebook. Twitter. Here on my blog. I know how messages like that can go viral. But I really didn’t think people would go so far as to photoshop pictures of you on a bender in Tahiti. (Was that Poseidon and Titan with you in that one photo?) Or start trash talking your creativity. (Platypuses — or is it playipi; I’m never sure — are wonderful creatures. And I never believed that a camel was a horse designed by committee.)
I can understand why you’re angry. Probably as angry as the time someone tried to fool you with fake butter.
Anyway, I’m really sorry.
Can we have spring now, please?
P.S. I probably offended Fate and Mr. Murphy as well; I’ve sent them notes too.